It is often appropriate to say that self-esteem is built during your childhood.
However, when a child is bullied or has major anxiety, that self-esteem diminishes quickly, and children start to feel unsure of themselves. If they have thoughts that others won’t be accepting of them, they may not join in. They may allow others to treat them inadequately and even may have a difficult time standing up for themselves. These children may give up easily, or not even try at all. Children with low self-confidence find it difficult to manage when they make a mistake or fail. Consequently, they may not do as well as they are capable of.
Self-confidence initially originates from a sense of capability. A confident child requires positive insight of his or her abilities which occurs from achievements made, whether big or small. With your encouraging words, confidence can be built.
Here are 5 steps in building self-confidence for children that need that extra encouragement from their parents, as I like to call it “Repacking your child’s school bag.”
- Active Listening– Most often when a parent asks a child “How was school?” their response is “I’m fine.” Well as one knows that response can be vague and frustrating. Do you take the opportunity to sit down with your child and ask them specifics such as, “What did you do in math class today? Or “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” Just listening, with no judgment to their responses, can build trust within your relationship with your child as well as building trust within themselves. This increases self-esteem.
- Give praise– Positive feedback enhances a child’s confidence and can go a long way if done in a genuine manner. So, giving praise especially to young children, measures a child’s self-worth. For example, even if a child fails at something, praising their effort gives them that extra boost of confidence to try harder next time. Re-assuring your child that it’s okay not to do everything perfect shows them that you are on their team.
- Modeling self-love– In every case of mine, I explain to my clients that you have to love yourself before you love someone else. Modeling this to your child can remind them of the specific skills that they may possess and how this can affect their relationships in their lives. Positive self-talk is part of self-love. Telling your child to start each and every day with a positive message can enhance the confidence within themselves.
- Self-acceptance– Something that most children do is compare themselves to others which hinders their self-esteem greatly. Encouraging self-acceptance and explaining to children that each child writes their own story can assist them in accepting who they are. When children do something wrong, they tend to blame themselves and show guilt. Encouraging self-acceptance through forgiveness and celebrating ones’ strengths boosts one’s self confidence.
- Create a support system– Noticing who your child goes to for support is an important step in building a child’s self-esteem. Its ok to teach your children to distance themselves from people who bring them down and to surround themselves with people who are accepting and have belief in them.